| disillusioned (feminine adjective) | /dezabyze/
I fear this country has turned me into someone I no longer recognize, someone I despise. I was once ebullient, but now I am forlorn. I look in the mirror and wonder, Was I always like this? No, no, I had finally become someone I liked! Someone I loved.
I have learned so much over the past two years. But if there’s something this country has taught me, it’s that I cannot fight the system. My kindness has been taken for granted, and as a result, I find myself hardening and becoming cynical. Anything I accomplish seems meaningless. What positive change am I really making here? If any?
You’re reading this and rolling your eyes. But I have the right to recount the most visceral emotions, don’t I?
Perhaps I should have left last year, when the world was bright and full of possibility. I was so sure of myself and of what I wanted. Maybe I should have left at the peak of it all, but how could I have known? There was so much before me. How could I have said no? No to travel? No to new people? No to lessons taught and learned?
Again, one year later, I find myself endowing my upcoming trip to Romania with a strange and stupid significance. It could hardly live up to my expectations. Or could it? I am so very disillusioned by what this past year has brought me, but maybe, just maybe, this trip could restore my faith. Things can be magical again, can’t they?