désabusée

| disillusioned (feminine adjective) | /dezabyze/

I fear this country has turned me into someone I no longer recognize, someone I despise. I was once ebullient, but now I am forlorn. I look in the mirror and wonder, Was I always like this? No, no, I had finally become someone I liked! Someone I loved.

I have learned so much over the past two years. But if there’s something this country has taught me, it’s that I cannot fight the system. My kindness has been taken for granted, and as a result, I find myself hardening and becoming cynical. Anything I accomplish seems meaningless. What positive change am I really making here? If any?

You’re reading this and rolling your eyes. But I have the right to recount the most visceral emotions, don’t I?

Perhaps I should have left last year, when the world was bright and full of possibility. I was so sure of myself and of what I wanted. Maybe I should have left at the peak of it all, but how could I have known? There was so much before me. How could I have said no? No to travel? No to new people? No to lessons taught and learned?

Again, one year later, I find myself endowing my upcoming trip to Romania with a strange and stupid significance. It could hardly live up to my expectations. Or could it? I am so very disillusioned by what this past year has brought me, but maybe, just maybe, this trip could restore my faith. Things can be magical again, can’t they?

About Gabriella

I'm a twenty-something insomniac with a caffeine addiction and chronic wanderlust. I recently graduated with my M.A. in French, and I've spent the past two years living and working as an English teacher in France. I now work as an English professor at a university in Lille, where my students are learning to never omit the Oxford comma.
This entry was posted in Life in France, Random and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s